I got this book at the Disney store a few years ago because I’m a sucker for pretty notebooks.

The year 2023/24 was when I first moved to London, I had a part time job at the time, meaning lots of free time on my hand. I initially thought I’d stay there momentarily, so I wanted to remember as much of it as possible. I had turn the last page of each month of my planner as a junk journal (which I won’t share cause it really is either junk or too personal to be online). I ended up stopping near May 2024 because life got in the way, I had less time. Besides I then knew I would stay so the urgency wasn’t there as much.

The thing is, I’ve realised recently that life felt better when I was doing this. It felt more fulfilling, like I had done things and had a junk page to remember it by. (Of course it could also be the fact I had more time for my hobbies). But that wasn’t the only thing, in the beautiful Sleeping Beauty storybook I’ve shown above, I was also doing collages. Except these ones were a more abstract form of self-expression, whereas the planner was like an archive of my life.

I’ve realised recently that I missed this. I missed sitting on the floor cutting out everything I felt was pretty or spoke to me. I’ve missed arranging it per colour, deciding what I’ll do on each page and what the main theme would be. I missed letting my brain insert random quotes and thoughts to fill in the empty space.

Don’t get me wrong I have documented my life online, and I have been creating things online. But as handy as a screen is, and as much as I love all my creative apps, I think there will always be something about creating with your hands. Furthermore, in the era we are living in, we are one server failure away from losing all the memories that are stored in the cloud. At least by archiving your life in a notebook, the only person you can blame is yourself if it gets lost.

I do think collages can do wonders for creativity, and be a great tool for documenting your life. If not for current you, think of the you in a few years who will open the pages and be hit by the memories.

So as I am announcing that I am getting back into collages [roaring applause], for my own sanity [applause abruptly stops], you also get to see the very first few collages I ever made in that book (in chronological order) [applause resumes]

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This is ironic in a way. Just a few months ago I literally had to take time off because work was becoming too much and I was no longer able to take care of myself. Dark times.

After a meeting with my managers, I realised that the reason I had felt overwhelmed was because things had happened that made it seem like I would have some more free time at work, and my logical response to that had been to fill that time with extra tasks that I chose to do. Except unplanned things happened which basically reduced the amount of time I thought I had. The result being I now had double the workload with exactly the same amount of time as before. And because I am very conscientious, I have a very hard time not doing something if I previously agreed I would do it, even if I the task is something I decided for myself. It’s like a mental contract with myself and all the people I told I’d do it. I can’t break it, I have to pull through no matter the cost.

Since then I have tried laying back with it, and there came a few consecutive days when the work I had to do was more than manageable in the amount of time I was given. And it just felt wrong? I was restless and felt like I should be doing something even if there was nothing left for me to do. For some reason I just couldn’t enjoy that downtime during my break, I needed to do something — except that I knew that whatever extra work I could start would be too long to be finished in an amount of time that would not impact my private life.

Now I don’t know if it’s because I was trained in a place where there was always at least 5 things on your to do list and constant complications with meeting deadlines, so I just learned to work that way and it disturbs me when it’s different, or if I simply just am like that. I feel like blaming the place I work at for training me this way would be pushing it, because when I think about it, I always had kind of an overdo type of personality.

Not for everything though.

But like.

8 days before my father’s birthday I decided making him a Batman parody comic book was the best course of action for his present. And I bloody did it. In 8 days. 22 pages. All while preparing a trip to Paris with a group of friends.

For my best friend’s birthday, I thought, why not an animatic of 2 minutes? I did it.

Back when I was writing fan fiction,I decided at like chapter 12 that I would illustrate it. And instead of starting my illustration at chapter 13 like a normal person, I went back and illustrated every single chapter. Each had like 2-3 illustrations. And I kept going all throughout book 1, 2, 3 and 4. Also, I — for some insane reason — decided to end each book with an animation. And. I. Did.

I could have just stayed in France and finished my studies there. No let’s apply for an assistantship for 8 months in London. Oh actually I like it there, let me just go to that French uni that gives a degree valid in both countries before moving there because I already got a positive answer for it - NOPE instead I frantically searched for a school that would train me and pay me and accept a visa, so that I could move as soon as possible, all while sorting out all the Visa stuff and figure out how to make my dog cross the border—when I had never done any administrative stuff before. And again, I did just that.

I finished my first book, let’s just publish it on Amazon with their ISBN. HAHA. That would be underestimating me. How about I create a whole imprint label, deposit it, buy ISBNs, and create a website. Oh and while I’m at it let’s illustrate the book and create 3 different covers for all the different editions. And! Set up a whole promotion plan with different posts each day for two months. All on my own.

Okay, after seeing the amount of examples I could come up with and didn’t necessarily write down. The problem is me.

It seems I work better if I have an insane amount of work/hobby related things to do. And yet, basic stuff like cooking or doing the laundry feel impossible. Haha, neurodivergence goes brrrrrrrrrrrr.

I think I need to learn to lay back for a bit. But it’s complicated because at the same time, whenever I lay back I feel this guilt for not doing something productive. We live in times when everything has to be for a reason, everything has to be productive.

Oh you just created this thing? Okay but what are you going to do with it?

And if you don’t have an answer, you’ll have people making you think you wasted your time. What happened to « I just wanted to. » ? Why is that no longer an acceptable response for creating things OR doing absolutely nothing and watching TV shows all day? Why must we justify everything by tying it to our productivity?

That system is not sustainable for a very simple reason, not everyone perceives productivity in the same way. Heck, I would even say most people don’t understand what being productive means.

You spent one day doing nothing but chilling on your bed and watching films? First thought is « you did nothing, you wasted your time » But let me raise this. If you had not relaxed and rested, would you have performed your tasks as efficiently as you did the next day? Would you be at your productivity epitome if you never took the time to rest? Probably not.

Also not to mention there can always be a benefit to consuming storytelling (creative, psychological, etc).

So I think that’s what we all need, redefine what productive means, and throw the shame out of the window to let it do a backflip before splatting on the pavement, and out of our lives.

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I recently started playing this game called The Longing (available on most platforms as far as I am aware—personally I played it on iPad).

And boy.

Do I have things to say.

In The Longing, you are playing as The Shade, a little creature who has been tasked by its King to wait 400 days. The catch? The 400 days are counted in real time. During that time, the King will be in a deep slumber, The Shade must awake him on the 400th day.

But what will The Shade do during this long, long, long period of time?

That is up to you.

You live in a cave, and have never been outside. Your King forbad you to go outside.

The cave is big, so if you are the type who likes to explore, there will be plenty to do. No map, but you can make The Shade remember certain spots to travel back to them.

However you don’t get free access to the entire cave just like that. There are obstacles and puzzles.

All puzzles are built around patience. A door can take two hours to open. You might make friends with a spider, and wait for her web to give you access to a new passageway, you might wait for a stalactite to fall or for a pit to fill with water. Maybe you have to dig your way to a new area. Or maybe the luminescent mushroom you found could be a clue.

If you prefer the coziness of your own house, you can look for different coloured rocks and papers around the caves, so that The Shade can express its artistic soul and decorate the wall of its house. There are also books to find, which you can actually read. All books are from the public domain, but there is an extensive list to find, and a secret library hidden somewhere. When you are in your house, time can move faster if you made it cozy enough and have taken care of your mushroom garden.

But if like me, you refuse to obey the King and leave The Shade alone in a cave for 400 days, you can keep going up until finding a way out. Now getting out won’t be easy. There are multiple obstacles, some might force you to wait a week or two. Personally, I believe I have found the way out and just need to wait for the correct opportunity. But I am not going out yet, because there are still secrets I haven’t uncovered in the cave, and I refuse to leave without discovering everything.

The Longing has different endings. So you might be tempted to do different plays and have The Shade behave differently and have different goals. Mine is curious and that is what drives everyting that it does.

There is a stillnes in the game that I believe we all need at some point in our life.

The Shade can’t run. So there will inevitably be moments where it’s just you, The Shade, and your thoughts.

Your mind might focus on The Shade, on how it’s feeling. But you will find that more often than not, The Shade becomes a reflection of your own self and behaviours. Maybe I absolutely want to make The Shade escape the King because I myself escaped the environment I grew up in. Maybe I insist on exploring and bettering The Shade’s cave, and unlocking all the drawings and books because I believe in making the best of your situation while waiting for a way out.

You can’t speedrun The Longing. You will have to sit with it and let it do its magic. In a world where everything is built around doing things faster, a game like this is a gem. I couldn’t help but think about people stuck in hospital beds, about the benefit a game like this could have.

There is a moment in the game, when you are faced with the edge. Right before you reach it, The Shade will say something along the lines of “I can feel my end is near.” No need to be an intellectual to understand that if you keep walking in this direction, the game will end and The Shade will no longer be. I assume most players will turn away. No, I won’t be able to wake the King otherwise. No I haven’t found the way out yet. No I haven’t done all the drawings. No I haven’t finished decorating my house. All will turn away for different reasons, but each will be your own. And the silence of your walk back will let you sit with that reason, and reflect on whether or not you apply that mindset to your own self.

The Longing is a game of patience. The graphics are stunning. The music is enchanting. But I believe its strongest point is that it will make you sit with your thoughts.

Whether you want it or not.

You will have to face the Darkness if you want to get out.

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I love going to the cinema. Always have. However, something that I want to clarify first is that my taste in films is atrocious. Most cinephiles-loved films will not get more than a meh from me, whereas I will give five stars without hesitation to any films that makes me have a good time, regardless of how good or bad the filmography, script, and acting actually is.

Because that’s the thing, I don’t want to go to the cinema to be brutally hit in the face by the horrors and realities of life. I don’t want to pay to see an elaborate metaphor about how everyone sucks, or a 100th film about a male character experiencing a midlife crisis and making it everyone’s problem (only to be praised when he solves problems he himself created).

If I want to see what type of world we live in, I turn on the news.

When I go to the cinema, it’s to live an experience. To be transported into a story, a world, into something that will make me feel good. Either with beautiful imagery, hopeful messages, banging music, good comedy or interesting characters. I go to the cinema to be entertained.

I have now been going to the cinema for years, but only started doing it alone across the past three years. Most of my friends who have the same taste in films as I do are in a different country, and the ones who are in this country are often not available, or we tend to have very narrow options for films we’d all enjoy.

I noticed that I subconsciously started implementing rituals every time I went out to the cinema alone. So I decided to share them with you.

I have two types of cinema outings. Let’s start with the posh pretentious one.

the cultural outing

Ironically, I call it posh but these are usually the one that cost me the less. The BFI has seasons with specific themes when they screen old, foreign or independent films that would not necessarily be found in a regular cinema like Vue or ODEON. This sounds very pretentious but actually, since they have a -25 y/o discount, I very rarely pay more than £5 for a screening, even if it includes an intro or a Q&A with Directors, Actors or Screenwriters. I once saw a total of 3 films on the big screen for £12.

First I look for a film through their printed program (I get the one for the following month every time I’m there because it’s also perfect for scrapbooking with all the screen captures), and book my ticket in advance.

I go into London, get myself a crêpe at Southbank because it reminds me of my mom (she worked in a crêperie/restaurant and makes the best crêpes I’ve ever eaten, I’d give you the recipe but her explanation is “I just go by the feeling” so yeah good luck with that). I then make my way to the screening while eating it. Once there, I take the paper that they leave at the entry of the room, it has the explanation and analysis of the film and how it fits in the topic they have chosen. I always make sure to get there a bit in advance to have time to skim through it, and also because they don’t show any ads. So if they tell you the screening starts at 20:10 the film does start at 20:10.

On my way out, I always walk along the Thames and cross the bridge next to the railway that leads to Charing Cross, on the side where I can see Big Ben. It’s silly, but it’s moment like these that allow me to appreciate where I live. And also just to remind me that, damn, I moved to London, I did that. It’s a nice stroll that always brings a smile on my face, whether the sky is blue, grey or dark.

I like these outings because I get to watch things that extend my views and make me reflect on what is considered entertaining in other countries or time periods. It always feel very human. The crêpe and the stroll over the bridge give me this warm feeling by tying me to my roots, and making me feel lucky and grateful for where I am and what I have. It’s always a nice outing if I’ve been feeling down.

the fun outing

Now this is when I go to see mainstream films, that’s when I go to a Vue cinema. Usually either to watch an animated film, a comedy, or a film that got me hooked either by trailers or excerpt on social media.

This is usually a more chaotic outing.

Firstly, I live one station away from my closest cinema. Which in my mind is the equivalent of being next door. And as we know, the closest you are to something, the more likely you are to be late. I always leave my house way later than I should, meaning that I always end up running from the station to the theater. I checked, when walking it’s about an 8-10 minutes walk depending on how crowded it is. I once managed to make it in 5, my next objective is to try 4 (mind you I hate running, but the cinema overrules all of my brain’s programming).

Because I am always running against time, it also means I skip the popcorn shopping (sweet popcorn is superior, I will not take criticism). I sit down in my seat, out of breath, but right on time for the trailers to start.

Or did I forget to mention? I consider the trailers as part of the experience, I do not want to miss the trailers (the ads can get run over by a combine though). Trailers are a part of my life, I grew up on Disney VHS when you had to sit through snippets of all their films before getting to the menu. In the cinema, the trailers are how I decide what I’m going to watch next, and what I’m definitely not going to watch. It’s fun!

When the film ends, that’s when I go get my popcorn. I rushed all the way to the cinema, and on my way out, I buy myself a sweet regular popcorn, and eat it while casually walking home. It allows me to remain in the movie for a bit longer before going back to the stress of my everyday life. I associate the taste of popcorn with cinema, so eating it while I’m leaving makes me feel like I’m still there.

I’m curious to know if anyone else has any little rituals associated with going to the cinema. Let me know if you do, I’d love to hear about it!!!

Also something I forgot to mention but it applies for both the cultural and fun outing, when going to the cinema I am either overdressed (like going to the opera or the club type of overdressed) or in the theme of the film I’m watching. There are no other options, casual viewing is not in my vocabulary. The cinema is an event!

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That day was blessed.

A crêpe was eaten that morning,

In a restaurant owned by a small man.

His mannerism reminded me of my grandfather.

A passion and simplicity that inspires respect and comfort.

Lunch was spent within the walls of a museum.

In the street, I was asked which fashion show I was headed to.

Could have been sarcastic, but why see it that way?

A box of chouquettes was acquired at Paul.

Footsteps tracing a path to the tube.

That’s when I saw her.

Sat next to me. An old woman.

Wrinkles on her hands.

A scar on her thumb.

A ring on her finger.

Marks of a life lived.

Full of successes and failures.

Her hands held a book.

Sketches of birds on each pages.

Hiking bag at her feet.

A hairclip holding up her wild grey hair,

In a way that seemed above caring about such things.

A passion.

That was all that mattered.

There were wrinkles in the corner of her eyes,

Around her lips.

Marks of someone who had smiled.

Who had laughed.

Wrinkles of happiness.

I hadn’t seen someone this beautiful in longer than I could remember.

Yet I couldn’t bring myself to tell her.

A moment of cowardice.

I did the closest thing to a compliment I could think of.

Opened the box and offered her a chouquette.

Silently thanking her for existing.

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I went into that film completely blind, I had seen some clips of Marilyn Monroe’s films on social media but had no idea which were from where. Imagine my surprise when I realised all of the ones I had seen were from Gentlemen Prefer Blondes!

That film was an absolute delight, I knew people kept moaning about the loss of Technicolour but now I know why. The images were just stunning and the colours… MY GAWD THE COLOURS. I love colourful things and this was simply a feast for the eyes, at least in my opinion. The outfits were absolutely stunning, I want their entire wardrobe (props to David C. Woodard, he did a fantastical job with the costume design). The musical numbers were also great, there is such an enchanting aspect to the way people sung back in the 50’s and I was genuinely having such a good time. Truth be told, on the way there I was scared I might fall asleep, I had had a pretty long (and rough) day at work and hadn’t slept much the night before— I was going through some dark times and was constantly exhausted. Yet the second it started I was wide awake, eyes glued to the screen, a smile on my face.

I enjoyed the film from start to finish, there was just one moment when the poc representation made me scrunch my nose a little. I wouldn’t be able to pinpoint exactly what made me uncomfortable but something was off, it was kind of the same vibe as the little centaurette in Fantasia from Disney. However I’m white as a ghost so probably not the best person to tackle that subject hence why I won’t delve into it much, just a little warning for people wanting to watch.

This moment aside though, there was something from the film that I really enjoyed, when the girls are in France, the characters speak French! I feel nowadays we tend to completely remove language barriers for the sake of storytelling and it was refreshing to see a film who didn’t shy away from not translating a language, and just working your way around it with gestures and quick explanations that make sense in context—it also makes for great comedy. I can also 100% confirm they picked native French speaker, not an American they gave a phonetic script to who would then butcher the whole thing with a terrible accent like Netflix enjoys doing so much.

There was a lovely intro before the film by Rógan Graham and I was surprised to learn this whole shabang was adapted from a novel by Anita Loos, a woman! Furthermore, while I did know Marilyn had inspired many people— obviously she’s an icon— I learned she had directly promised to sit at the front row of all of Ella Fitzgerald’s shows in a specific venue which drove paparazzi insane and gave Ella the marketing she deserved. There seemed to be a wonderful friendship between the two, and I loved the way Marylin used her privilege. They are said to both have bonded over the complications of their childhood1.

Anyway, now less about the technicality and more about the story itself.

I loved to see a female friendship at the center of the story, sure both of them were dealing with love life problems, but it really felt like their relationship with each other was the center point. The solidarity between Dorothy and Lorelei is absolutely lovely to see, despite having different goals and ideals. Dorothy is interested in love and looks, she wants to have fun (who can blame her) while Lorelei is our diamond obsessed girlie who believes financial security is necessary for romance to flourish (a valid point imo). Both of the girls do try to influence each other for what they think is best for one another, however they still support each other’s choices.

I really enjoyed watching Jane Russel’s character interact with the people around her, Dorothy is very free in her sexuality and it is never portrayed as shameful nor vulgar. She simply is a beautiful woman existing and enjoying life while knowing what she’s worth. She radiates such confidence, despite being 24, I felt back in the shoes of 10 y/o me watching a beautiful woman pass by and thinking how cool she is.

Also, funnily enough, while the sexualisation of the girls never feels in your face or too much (like genuinely, it literally just feel like beautiful women existing, no weird angles or anything), I would almost say the men were more objectified than women in the film. That Olympic team on the boat, and the whole musical number when they are working out with Dorothy doing a musical number in the middle almost felt like a role reversal. I don’t know, maybe I’m just seeing what I want to see but I really enjoyed it. It was a nice change.

Despite being portrayed as the « dumb blonde », Marilyn’s character is actually quite smart in terms of how life worked back in the days. She puts financial security above all else, and while she does love diamonds, it is hard to detach them from financial security. The history of women and jewels has always been tied to financial security, it was something they could sell if the situation ever came dire, it all derived from a time when we were not allowed to open our own bank account (this was the case until the late 19th century, so barely more than 50 years before the release of the film2)

Not only does Lorelei know what she needs for financial security, she also clearly displays knowing how to obtain it. Whether it be through her behaviour throughout the film, or the line her character clearly states near the end « I can be smart when it’s important, but most men don’t like it ». Her character of the dumb blonde is, indeed, a character. I find it very interesting that this line is thrown at the very end of the film, because it forces the audience to reconsider their opinion of Lorelei and the judgement they may have casted too promptly.

The film ends with Dorothy and Lorelei marrying their love interest, at the same time, wearing the same dress, walking down the aisle together. I’m sorry if that is not the epitome of ambiguous female friendship I don’t know what is. Lorelei and Dorothy walked so that Liana and Alexa, and Anneliese and Erika could run. These two women were each other’s soulmates and you can remove that take from my cold dead hands, I don’t care whether you interpret it as romantic or platonic, in both cases, soulmates.

Side note : The BFI is having a Marilyn Monroe season and I was originally going to make one piece of all the films I went to see. But I’m just out of the first one and when I see how much I’ve written……… Yeah this one had to be its own thing lol

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Let’s start with some context. Soy Frankelda is a prequel to the animated series Los Sustos Ocultos de Frankelda. Both of them are stop-motion productions from Mexico. Unfortunately, getting your hands on Los Sustos Ocultos de Frankelda if you don’t live in Mexico or the US is pretty much impossible legally. This means that most of us will probably discover the prequel before the show itself.

Soy Frankelda is a gothic tragedy in stop motion that doubles as a dark fantasy musical featuring a romance between a raging female horror writer and her devoted but tortured monster love interest.

So yes, it basically has it all. It fits in many many genres and at the same time feels like its own type of niche. That’s why in order to do it justice, I had to break down the many ways in which that film shines.

a gothic universe in service of art

Okay, okay. First of all. I have to address the artistry of this film. As we all know, stopmotion1 is one HELL of a job. The film not only does it justice, but also does so while having a lot of things happening on screen at the same time. From a technicality point of view, this is extremely difficult. Other than that, the amount of details put on screen at every scene makes it a film you want to rewatch to make sure you haven’t missed anything.

Some of the characters and element of Soy Frankelda seem to be reminiscent of another mexican artist, Remedios Varo, who specialised in Surrealist paintings such as Creation of the Birds, The Gathering, or Character. The inspiration for Herneval’s species seems directly inspired from them. However the universe of Soy Frankelda knows how to distinguish itself from its inspiration, and rivals in stopmotion. Its maximalism and choppy animation gives it a lot of character. It might not be as fluid as a Laika or Aardman film, but somehow this does not become a flaw and instead contributes to the eerie aspect of the story.

Speaking of its animation, something that the film does brilliantly is mix its puppet animation with another style of animation during musical sequences. During the ballad Yo Ya Había Estado Aquí, Frankelda and Herneval are represented as different real life objects, being together in every universe. Whereas in El Principe De Los Sustos each character has a hand-painted animated sequence.

Speaking of the music, it is banger after banger. I personally watched the film in Spanish with subtitles in my native language, so I don’t know what the English Dubbed version is worth. However, I can assure that the Spanish version does not disappoint (unless you’re the type of person who hates musicals–but if that’s the case, what are you even doing here?).

There is just something about the songs that feels very Shakespearesque. I know he didn’t write musicals, but it feels like that type of theater. The film is definitely a tragedy in my opinion. I also saw a lot of criticism regarding the plot, what was developped and wasn’t, etc. Personally, I think the issue comes from the fact people looked at it with the expectations of a standardised 21st century scenario–which, fair enough, we are in the 21st century– when the story and the way it is laid out is much closer to the plays that adorned stages way before the era of television.

There is a love story between characters from two different worlds, a tensed political climate, a royal family. Most of the element you would find in plays they make you study at school. Except that here, it is presented before you in stop motion with musicals. It reads like a revival of almost-forgotten arts.

the revival of tragic romance

The Principe de Los Sustos, Herneval, is ultimately the tragic hero you find in most plays. He is torn by love and duty during the entirety of the film, every move he makes towards Frankelda’s affection has legitimately awful consequences on his kingdom, and every action he makes out of duty to his people–by a wonderful butterfly effect in the shape of the antagonist–results in driving Frankelda away from him and damages their relationship. His caring nature is the source of his internal conflict, because he cares deeply for his parents and would do anything to save them and his kingdom, but he is also helplessly in love with Frankelda.

Except that he can’t repress his love for Frankelda, he doesn’t just love her, he lives for her. They have been connected ever since they were kids, when she started writing about his world and he quite literally became her comfort character (I’m not kidding, her child-self carries a stuffed animal version of him). The link was so strong that it allowed him to cross the border of their world as a child, but that’s the thing, he was equally obsessed with her as she was with him. Growing up, she wrote and wrote about his world, as a whole, thinking it fiction, while he didn’t care much for the human world but watched over her nonetheless because he was enamoured with everything she made.

If you like devoted male character, well then Herneval is your next tumblr sexy man. But careful, it is impossible to talk about Herneval without mentioning Frankelda. So let’s learn a bit more about her incredible character.

She is a young woman in the 19th century who has been writing horror ever since she was little, and longs to share her stories with the world. But after many rejections in her world, she barely hesitates when Herneval invites her into his world. She willingly becomes a ghost and joins him in his kingdom, a kingdom she has been writing about for years.

What I love about Frankelda is how real she feels. The animation lets her be very expressive in all her emotions, positive or negative. She is allowed to rage, cry and be scary, to a degree that we all know women capable of, despite Hollywood trying to freeze our face in one singular lookmaxxing expression. Frankelda has passion, and feels everything to 100%. She believes in the quality of her work while at the same time crumbling and questioning everything for every bit of criticism she receives, a sentiment that can probably be shared by many artists.

She rightfully completely shuts out Herneval when he betrays her (it’s a bit more complicated than that, but from her point of view that’s what happens), only to quickly forgive him when he rescues her with an open shirt (Let’s be honest, you too would probably forgive the real-life version of your book crush if he saved you shirtless).

Frankelda feels like a self insert in Topus Terrentus (Herneval’s Kingdom) and that is entirely the point.

the soul of Soy Frankelda

I believe the strenght of this film is the people it will speak to. Frankelda wants to escape her world in which she feels out of place and rejected. She uses writing as an escapism but also a tool to channel her emotions, something most writers and readers can relate to.

In the film, what you imagine also imagines you. It follows the theory that everything you think about is already true in another universe, somewhere. Frankelda was lucky enough to pass that threshold and enter the world she has been dreaming of. If you have been on TikTok during 2020, you will probably make the link between what Frankelda does and shifting2. If you don’t, you can still recognise that–while not true for everyone– a lot of readers and writers would jump at the opportunity to live in what they so far believed to be a fictional world.

But what I find most interesting about Soy Frankelda is that, if you pay close attention to the details, you will see that what she was wishing for was already there. Fiction is inspired from reality, and while the film quite literally tells you that one of the Sustos is based off her Abuela, there are two other characters that are slightly more subtle. The Royal Nightmare Writer is quite similar to the Editor who rejects her book without even reading it (the editor even has something spider-shaped on his desk, the animal his Susto counterpart represents), the antagonist was present in both world. Sure, even less of a reason to stay in the boring version of the two you would say. But so was her love interest. There is one male character with little screentime, who was present in the human world, and was eerily similar to Herneval.

I genuinely believe that, had she not left, there could have been a love story between the two. And funnily enough, the obstacle was her insecurity. During every interaction Frankelda has with that character, you can see that she has fully internalised that the people in this town will reject her no matter what, so she misinterpret every kind action he tries to take as a mockery or a trick. In that aspect, Soy Frankelda also warns to not fully detach yourself from reality because what you’re looking for may be right under your nose, if only you lift it from the pages from time to time.

Frankelda is the soul of the film, if she had existed nowadays she would be that talented fanfic writer who desperately tried to shift in 2020 to be with her comfort character, and tends to prefer maladaptive daydreaming over real life interactions. I loved Soy Frankelda because I looked at the screen and I saw parts of myself. I believe I won’t be the only one.

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A princess who has all the potential to win…

a) Materialistic advantage

Briar Rose is born into a wealthy kingdom, her parents are not in need of anything. She has had access to everything she ever needed in life, and most probably has been given a comprehensive education with the teaching of numerous skills useful for royals and court.

Furthermore, one of the gift from the fairies was referred to as the gift of “riches”, it is however unclear if this gift was immediate with various riches appearing in the room or if it was mean to say that no matter what, riches would always come the princess’s way throughout her life.

Either way, should she had ever need any type of weapon or object for her tale, she could have easily gotten it.

b) Flawless Personality

She has received numerous gifts from the fairies to assure she would be a perfect human being. There were 11 gifts, however only wisdom, beauty, and kindness were mentioned. Despite the mystery of the other gifts, the one we do know about made the princess a girl loved by all. Love quite often being needed to win a fairytale.

Besides, the gift of kindness is also a must-have role-model quality, although one could argue that it is a little strange that it needed to be brought magically by the fairies, would Briar Rose not have been kind if that gift was not given?

Beauty is a debatable requirement as a princess, after all, it is said the Evil Queen used to be the fairest of them all before Snow White grew up. The Tale of the Ugly Duckling also emphasise on the fact we should not judge someone’s goodness by their appearance. Yet, we still give beauty a considerable importance in today’s society so I will say being Beautiful helped Briar Rose in finding her prince (a hero I will tackle later).

And last but not least, wisdom. Wisdom is not necessarily intelligence, but being wise will definitely help avoiding stupid mistakes that can get you killed. And being alive is necessary if you want a happy ending.

…but somehow wins without it…

a) Luck has its favourites

Briar Rose’s family has a history with luck. Her whole birth comes from the fact the Queen met a frog who told her she would be with child, which is incredibly lucky. Her birth could be considered a miracle, considering the King and Queen had tried for years without success.

It is without all the quality attributed to her that Briar Rose ends up being saved. She follows the spells and falls into a deep slumber. However, she was lucky enough for the legend of her asleep kingdom to still be mentioned and talked about for the centuries to come, allowing princes to come and try rescuing her. Many of them died which is unfortunate. The Prince who does succeed, only happened to be lucky enough to learn about her existence and come the day the spell was coming to an end.

You could argue that the beauty she was given by the fairies was the reason people kept talking about her for the following years, which honestly makes it kind of sad that it was the only thing she was remembered for when the fairytale clearly mentioned she was loved by all for her kindness and wisdom.

b) Patience is key

In the end, Briar Rose story was all a game of patience. Despite the King and Queen trying to destroy all the spindle as fast as possible, the princess still fell asleep after 15 years. And once she fell into slumber, no matter how many people tried she only woke up once the spell came to an end. There was never a mention of True Love’s kiss breaking the spell, besides, how could she have known True Love if she had been asleep for 100 years? The only love she could have met was either asleep with her in the kingdom or long dead.

Morale of the story, listen to the formulation of your curses properly and act accordingly. If there is nothing else to do other than wait, just wait.

…despite the unhelpfulness of everyone around her.

a) Surprisingly irresponsible parents

After wishing for a child for so long, one would expect her parents to be more responsible and smart when it came to dealing with her. There are 13 fairies, and they have only 12 golden dishes, the tale said they were very wealthy, why not buy a 13th set of golden dishes? Why risk angering a fairy? Why not send her the invite and explaining you only have 12 golden plates but that you would be happy to lend her another type of plate if she wished to come? Why not send the invite to all the fairies explaining the problem to all of them so that the kindest one could choose to not have a golden plate? Let them argue together and save your daughter. There were numerous ways that could have avoided Briar Rose getting cursed in the first place.

Destroying all the spindles could have been considered intelligent, although one could argue that since magic was involved, a spindle could have still appeared out of nowhere, but let us assume it did not. Why keep all the remains of the spindles in the castle where the princess is living? Why did they not tell her about the curse? Of course young Briar Rose would not be suspicious when that old lady was spindling in the castle on her 15th birthday, she did not know and everyone loved her. How could she expect harm to come her way?

Furthermore, why were the King and Queen absent on her birthday? They knew about the curse, I cannot imagine how any duty outside the kingdom could have been more important than protecting their daughter on that fateful day, especially since they had not warned her about the danger. The King and Queen may have been good parents when it came to affection and education, but they were terrible when it came to protection and basic survival skills, even in court! Why would you not invite a fairy but all the others? Where is the Etiquette in all this?

b) A prince who actually does not do anything

I have to say I was rather confused about the prince. I do not mean any offence but he ended up being rather useless. He went through the barrier of thorns with no troubles since the spell ended that day and so there was no barrier of thorns anymore. Then he walked up to Briar Rose, sleeping, he kissed her and she woke up. It never says it is the Prince’s kiss that woke her up, the spell was ending that day, she was going to wake up either way. And right after that they apparently get married?

I like to believe some parts of the story got lost in between the awakening and the wedding. Maybe after the kingdom woke up, the Prince offered to help Briar Rose adapting to the 100 years advancement she had missed in her slumber, and during that time they gradually fell in love. I am hoping that is how it went, because if it is not, the Prince is just an entitled royal who kissed a defenceless girl in her sleep and married her right after because reasons.

Overall, I would say Briar Rose teaches us to be true to ourselves, and have confidence that everything will work out the way it is intended to. Be patient, and that’s it. Probably do not count too much on the people around you since they all seem to be wildly incompetent.

I will say though, it was a fun read. Reading the Grimm version of fairytales with the eyes of an adult in the current society can lead to some funny The-Office facial expressions.

Here it is if you want to have a read : Briar Rose - Grimm Brothers

I also feel it is important to note that the Grimm Brothers did not invent the stories they tell. They collected fairytales and recorded them— probably including a few personal changes.

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Oh boy was I not mentally prepared for it. Pretty much every single character is an awful person to an extent. Let me explain.

the soldier

a questionable quest

I have a hard time considering the soldier a hero. We do not know how old he is, but he does not seem to be quite young. He is said to have fought for long and the oldest sister even makes a remark about how, judging by his state and physical appearance, he would have fallen asleep even without the potion. I assume he would be barely younger than the king.

So this man, who is not so young anymore, hears about a King who wants to know where his daughters sneak off to, and will reward the winner with the hand of the daughter of his choice, as well as the crown. And he does not see any issue with it? The princesses are not in danger, but sure, I guess their father is worried, however if the King considers them old enough to be married off to a stranger, he should also consider them old enough to go out without his constant supervision.

In other words, the soldier’s quest is to help a controlling father rip off the fun from his daughters’ lives and then marry one of them without their consent. Hardly a noble quest to pursue if you ask me.

a happy ending that isn’t earned

So I have established why I consider the quest not fitting for a good person to pursue, but now I would like to address the fact that he does not even earn its completion. The soldier is terrible at sneaking and spying.

He could have taken just leaves from the golden, silver, and diamonds trees, but no, instead he choses to break off a whole branch of each, even after realising the youngest sister noticed the noise the first time. Listen to me. The first branch was noticed, and he still decided ripping out a whole branch was the best course of action two more times. He does not learn from his mistakes and does not try to do better.

During the balls the princesses attend with their prince, he dances too, taking the risk to accidentally bump into someone, and he even drinks directly from the princesses’ glasses! Not only is the absence of liquid noticed and an unnecessary risk, he also reduces his reactivity by consuming alcohol while on a spying mission where his life is on the line!

I will excuse the stepping on the gown because he had to follow them fast, and the getting in the youngest sister’s boat because he then decides to go into the oldest, so there is evolution. But he shows more often than not that hewas not fit for the job.

The only reason the soldier succeeded in his quest is because he had been given an invisible cape by an old woman, which helped cover all his missteps, and because he was tipped off about the enchanted wine that would put him to sleep. Had he not been warned or given that cape, he would never have had his happy ending and would have been executed like the others before him.

the old woman

a fairy godmother or a witch?

I must admit I am very confused about the old woman. She could definitely be considered a fairy godmother. After all, it is only thanks to her that the soldier won his quest, the same way that, Cinderella could only go to the ball because the fairy gave her the dress. So she definitely has all the qualities of a fairy godmother :

• good advice “Do not drink the wine offered by the princesses, and pretend to fall asleep.”

• magic items “Take this cape that will make you invisible.”.

However, the nature of the “hero” she is helping makes me question if she is a fairy godmother or a witch. Why would she help someone win such a questionable quest? Besides, she is apparently an old dame, and while I am usually not one to judge by appearances, I cannot help but connect it to the fact that, for some reasons, fairytales often put old women on the side of Evil and makes them not to be trusted (which is kind of sad for all our grandmothers out there.)

So to me, the old woman could be a witch, after all, who has an invisible cape just laying in their bags? Especially since the power of invisibility is more often used for nefarious purposes than good ones.

mysterious motives

Why is she helping the soldier? Why is she giving him a magic cape? What did he do to deserve it? The tale does not mention anything he did for her, if she had this cape all along, why give it to him specifically and not the sons of the kings from other kingdoms who lost their lives during the quest? These crown princes were actually needed by their kingdom and died, we do not even know if there were other heirs to replace them, meanwhile this old soldier does not have any responsibilities that make him a priority to be alive.

I am not saying his life has less worth because he is not a royal, nobility has nothing to do with it, I am talking about responsibilities. If you had to chose between a parent of three and a random person who did not have any children/pets to take care of, the parent would be a priority because by helping them you are helping more than one life. The reason why she helps the soldier is very mysterious and not explained in any way. And my problem is, if it is from the goodness of her heart, he was definitely not an ideal candidate.

By the way.

How did she know all of this? How did the old dame know about the wine? Did she know where the princesses were going? How did she get all that information? Was she a spy? Did she work in the castle? None of these questions ever get answered, and because there is so much mystery surrounding that woman, and the questionability of the quest she helps, I have a very hard time trusting her.

the dancing princesses

needed to be rescued, from the King

I guess we could call the sisters the only “good” characters in that tale. If we gloss over the fact they were poisoning the princes to fall asleep, thus making them fail their quests. Now I wouldn’t say they were directly responsible for their deaths, their father was since he was the one gave that ultimatum “Figure out what my daughters are doing or I’ll kill you.” and the princes sall igned up willingly.

So this could be debatable.

Regardless, the princesses could definitely be considered princesses in distress, needed to be rescued from their father. They are not allowed to go out and have fun, and the second they do, the King employs men to discover how they do it and prevent them from doing it again. He kind of has a similar role as Mother Gothel and Frollo towards Rapunzel and Quasimodo. The ultimatim is also huge, “I am hiring these princes to figure out what you twelve are doing behind my back, and if they can’t I’ll have them killed.” That is a huge psychological threat put on them. Although it didn’t seem to affect them that much given the poisoning.

not a happy ending

I do not believe this qualify as a Good Wins ending. The princesses will most probably be forbidden from seeing their princes from the enchanted underground again now that they are discovered, and the oldest sister is being married off to a man she does not love and who is the reason she lost her prince. If anything, I would say this is a story where Evil wins.

the King

The King is a Villain. There is no doubt about it. He keeps his daughter locked up in the castle, and kills a load of princes for failing at a quest. He could have just sent the princes home, no, he decided to kill them. Preventing probably a good chunk of the nearby kingdoms from having heirs, and thus, making their unstable politics easier to take down and conquer. He is a cold-blooded, controlling man, and a Villain.

I don’t have anything else to say. I hope his death was painful.

the princes

illusions or reality?

I really wish the story dwelled more into what this enchanted place was, and the people that lived in it. Is it a place similar to wonderland? Who are these 12 princes? Are they brothers? Are they princes from different kingdoms? What is the name of their kingdom/s? Could the princesses have escaped there and married them?

the true heroes

I believe the enchanted princes to be the true heroes of the story, because they were the one rescuing the princesses from their sad life and bringing love to them. Ultimately, they were also the princes that the dancing princesses were actually in love with.

Or if we take into account no one was good in this fairy tale, maybe it was all a Coraline type of situation and nothing in that enchanted world was to be trusted.

Given that I mostly use stories to escape the harsh realities of the world, I will stick to the Barbie version.

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I never planned on writing an essay on girl and women’s body hair. For reasons that will make sense through your read, I have decided to draw the characters of my next book with arm hair and leg hair. I won’t alter their outfit to make it more noticeable, it will be during the time of gowns and sometimes there will be long sleeves so really it isn’t a big deal. But it will be there. And to be at peace I needed to know it’s there.

Now you might wonder why I absolutely want to include such a tiny detail in my next series aimed at teenagers.

And to that I answer, why not?

it’s literally natural

why do we have hair

The fact is, arm hair is actually the equivalent of super cool coat that you don’t have to pay for. During cold temperatures, it raises to keep in the heat, and it also protects us from UV rays. Remember how every single skincare video insists on applying that UV protection? Well our arms have it built in! It can also help evaporating sweat, thus keeping us cool during hot weather.

Furthermore, it helps with tactile functions. Hair can sense changes in the environment and it is connected to the nerve endings. I bet you would prefer knowing if a bug is crawling on your arm, well it is the hair that alerts you the quickest because it is more sensitive to the motion than your skin.

The same goes for leg hair.

Now before I start getting attacked about armpit hair, let me just. Let me.

Armpit air is there to prevent chaffing and irritation (and evenly spread pheromones but there aren’t enough studies on that subject yet). Okay? So next time your armpit is all red and you get an irritation, remember that would not have happened if you had just let it be.

Also, armpit hair, just like any hair, is not going to be unhygienic if washed properly.

Sources.1

the body is a symbol

The human body is celebrated in plenty of different way. I feel that if you look up any parts of the body you can think of and follow it with the word ‘meaning’ you will find a result for it. Whether it is a widespread idea like the heart being tied to love, eyes referring to the soul, the hand to unity, the arms to hard work, legs to stamina and foundation, etc, or a very specific meaning originating from a specific spiritual belief, you will still find something.

We have found ways to celebrate every part of our body with a celebration. Why should body hair be left out? The hair at the top of our head gets to be brushed, rearranged, braided, and tied to memory. Why can’t our body hair be a symbol for armour when it’s very purpose is to protect our body?

why isn’t body hair represented in media

capitalism

It is actually insane the amount of things we can blame on one specific economic system. Here, we can even narrow it down to one brand. Gillette.

They are the ones who made shaving cool in the 1915 by publishing ads in influencial magazines such as Vogue and Harpers’ Bazaar. This was the start of the war on armpit hair.

Okay, I will admit blaming only Gillette would be foolish since numerous brands jumped on the trend (Nair comes to mind as it is still pretty established nowadays.)

It then started spreading when nude tights became in vogue, but were then harder to obtain in the midst of the war. The closest thing ended up being hairless legs, so the war extended onto leg hair. They had started earlier on, but the war gave them the final push they needed for it to really work.

I am unsure when the war against arm hair started as I believe this more of a recent thing. Less of an expectation, but still considered ‘abnormal’ enough to earn a comment or two when wearing a sleeveless top. Basically enough of a thing for people to wonder why you’re not hairless like you’re “supposed” to be

From a financial point of view, the behaviour of these brands was understandable. After all “According to SNS Insider, the Hair Removal Devices Market size was valued at USD 1.46 Billion in 2025 and is projected to reach USD 3.32 Billion by 2035.” (Yahoo Finance) There was money to be made. Besides, shaving wasn’t new, people were already shaving based on their own preferences. If that hadn’t been the case, these brands would have never existed in the first place. So what was the harm in doing a little self-promotion?

Well, simple. Instead of going “our products are great, buy them!” they went for “ewww you’ll look horrible, disgusting, and no one will ever love you UNLESS you buy our products ;)”.

Shaving as a concept isn’t bad and has existed for millenia through different cultures. The issue is that these ads and that entire —still ongoing— marketing campaign made it an expectation for women to be competely hairless.

Wrong word. Sorry. Not an expectation.

Much worse. A norm.

a culture of shame

That is my main problem with it. Like I mentioned, shaving has been a concept ever since Antiquity. Even if you look at Renaissance paintings, most of the nudes do not feature any body hair— on both women and men alike funnily enough.

“Ew, your arms are so hairy!”

— a boy sitting next to me, I was 7

My issue is that a concept that depended on everyone’s own preference has become a norm and therefore is expected. What was an individual’s choice became an expectation set specifically for women. Enough of an expectation to get turned into judgement against whom did not get in line. Enough of an expectation for people to allow themselves to make unprompted comments on other people’s bodies. Enough of an expectation for advice to be given on how to get rid of body hair, without a question ever being asked. Enough of an expectation to be asked why you have hair in the first place.

“Why do you have so much [leg] hair?” 2

— a male colleague, I was 23 and him 34

Enough of an expectation. To be asked WHY you have hair. On a body part that NATURALLY produces hair!!!!!!!

“Are you sure you want to keep your bush as it is? Some guys don’t like that.”

— a family member, I was 16

You don’t go around asking people why their eyes are that colour. You don’t go around asking people why they’re short or tall. You don’t go around asking people why they grow teeth. You don’t go around asking people why they have hair at the top of their head, or why they’re bald.

You don’t go around asking people why their body looks the way it looks (or at least you shouldn’t).

“Wow you have a lot of [arm] hair!”

— a girl student at the school I work at, I was 22

Your brain is not stupid. It would not ask something if it is obvious. There are plenty of questions that we don’t ask because the answer is simply “The body works like that.” Why isn’t it the same for body hair?

“You didn’t wax your legs before the summer? You could always shave them if you’re scared of the wax hurting.”

— a family member at the beach, I was 18

We not only have stopped representing hair in media, thus slowly getting it out of what the norm is (despite every single one of us clearly being able to see it grow on our bodies), and worse we perpetuated the idea that body hair is undesirable. Who you are, as you are, is shameful and you need to get rid of it. Painfully. Wax it. Laser it. Torture your own body for daring to exist in its natural form. To be pretty is to suffer, isn’t it?

“It might be time to go get your mustache waxed, it’s starting to show a little on the corner of your mouth.”

— a family member in the car, I was 12

Well no. I don’t want that. They made a campaign to change people’s minds? It’s time we do the same.

Sources.3

how do we go back to normal

a hypothesis I have tested on myself

For my next point to make sense, we need to dive back into my late-teenage/young-adult years.

I have a roman nose. Which I hated. It was the only thing I could see when looking at myself in the mirror. I have been lucky enough to not feel insecure about many things with my appearance, but my nose was a big issue. However, I tested out a theory.

I had noticed that if I applied mascara every day, after a while, I couldn’t bear to look at myself in the mirror without it. “I look dead/sick/depressed.” you name it. Whenever that happened, I forbad myself from using mascara until I liked my bare face again.

It worked every. single. time.

So there was my hypothesis, my brain accepted as “my normal state” something it saw consistently.

Now why wasn’t it working for my nose? It was right in the middle of my face every day. Simple, it wasn’t represented in beauty standards around me. I learned to draw with those very misogynistic cliche of man strong-square with a big nose and woman small-petite with almost the complete absence of a nose.

I liked drawing myself as a character for different shows, universes, etc. And from that day on, I made a point to always draw a roman nose on myself, even to the point of exagerating it. I hated it at first. I felt like I was drawing myself ugly, when I think about it now, the fact I had that thought in the first place makes me want to burn alive the people who put those ideas in young girls. All for money to. Anyway. I tested out that method over months, and then years.

It might have been very narcissitic in a way. But now? I love my nose, even on pictures (which was a huge step for me). I love drawing different noses on characters. If I draw myself without a big nose, it just feels wrong. It worked after about a year or two of doing that.

uno reverse

So for our society to go back to normal. The method is quite simple. We just need to do the whole thing in reverse. We propaganda right back.

There needs to be hairy girls and women everywhere.

Ads. TV Shows. Illustrations. Photographs. Films. Etc.

And most importantly, it must not be adressed. It cannot be mixed with a marketing strategy. I know it’s tempting but please do not. It needs to be normal. If we point it out everytime as something groundbreaking we are inevitably alienating it. That is not the point.

The point is to make it something common that people don’t second-guess thus slowing reinstating its place in the common understanding of the human body.

Now you might wonder why I say we. Not all of our jobs have an influence on media or even a big reach. But we don’t need to. Like I said, it does not need to be loud. It needs to be consistent, and omnipresent.

I’m an artist, and a writer. I depict human likeness, and that now includes body hair. I am not delusional, I know that all projecst done with big corporations will be at the mercy of shareholders and they sure as hell won’t let us depict hairy women unless it’s to say they are ugly (would help if not so many of them were pedophiles). That is why it becomes our responsability as independent workers to do what we can.

Art is political. Being independent means doing what we want. That is the whole point of it. Only we have the power to do this. And if you are not in the creative arts, I want you to think of the amount of times you depict human likeness. Do you have an Instagram account you post on? A Facebook page? Do you exist in public spaces?

It starts with small things like this. It needs to be within small things like this, because that is where “normal” is. Please, do me a favour. Next time you are planning a shave or a wax. Ask yourself why.

Do you do it for yourself? Or because you are afraid of what others might say? I’m not asking you to go full wilderness from one day to the next. I myself still shave my armpits (sweaty girls rpz), but just take the time to wonder. Question it. Keep practicing that critical thinking skill. Then see what the result of it is. Maybe you’ll keep doing it for your own comfort. Maybe you see the point of stopping but still need a bit of time to take that step. Maybe you want to push against your fear so that our daughters don’t ever have to ask themselves the same question. Maybe you’ll simply realise you can’t be bothered to spend time shaving/waxing.

No matter the reason why you stop or keep going, I just want you to make sure it is your own educated and conscious choice. Because we were born with hair, on our bodies, it is us who decide whether to keep it or shave it or wax it or trim it or braid it or heck even dye it if we want.

No one else can say anything about it. And there is only one response the people asking why you’re not hairless deserve,

Girls are hairy. Deal with it.

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the blur of a character

It all started with some funny tumblr post, a billboard, and a book. I don’t remember exactly why, but I remember reading some posts on tumblr about vampires and people analysing how certain things would work realistically. I also saw this billboard of Dracula which I found pretty cool, and before I knew it I was buying Dracula at the only local English bookstore—I lived in France back then— and delving a bit deeper in vampire lore.

After finishing it, I knew I wanted to write a book about vampires. However, I like funny things, so I wanted mine to be a comedy. I had a rough concept, a classic vampire in a manor, and a human that she has to keep alive for a year (this later evolved into three vampire sisters, and one uncle in a crypt).

BUT.

Carnita was the OG. When the idea of the book was just a few sentences, I made a concept cover (yes, I know I do everything backward). While the cover has its flaws—obviously, it was a first concept— it still established a clear baseline for me.

I wanted her to have the classic red/white/black colour palette associated with vampires. I wanted her hair to be plastered at the top of her head considering many adaptations of dracula seem fond of that hairstyle, and I wanted her to be menacing. Also she would be italian, because vampires and garlic.

I wanted her to be a textbook vampire. Not a sexy one. Not a harmless one. I didn’t want her to have any regards for human life because why would she? How many people feel bad about the steak they eat? Either way, I had the blur of a character.

an aesthetic through words

I knew I wanted my book to have illustrations, but I also didn’t want the character’s appearance to reflect only through the pictures. They needed to be felt through their personality without me having to repeat 100 times what they looked like. In the end, the construction of the character’s appearance and personality ended up fusing and one would influence the other.

Carnita is very spiky/triangular. She is dangerous so I wanted her to look sharp—literally. Pointy chin, loosely triangle-shaped eyes, pointy lips, roman nose. Her leather jacket needed to have spikes on the shoulders. The impossible redness of her hair is there to accentuate how uncanny she is, but also to link to blood/violence. She is a character you should fear.

Yes she is funny haha too. But the only reason the reader feels that the human is safe around her is because if he comes in harms way, her loved one will be impacted. Now an average joe she meets in the street? Is he safe? Depends if she’s hungry or if his death would be convenient. She does not have morals per se. Her code of conduct is not necessarily aligned with current-time values. After all, she has been alive for more than 500 years.

The way she dressed needed to reflect her age, but not to make her look like a sweet old lady. She was turned at 16, her brain never fully developped. Carnita has been stuck in the emotional turmoil of puberty for more than 500 years.

She does have an attachment to the first centuries of life she experienced, and has a hard time letting go of gowns, no matter how impractical they are. This could seem out of character considering how much she likes to move around, you would think she jumped on trousers as soon as they were available to women. But that’s not the case. She would never admit it out loud but the dresses she has owned for centuries provide her with reassurance and comfort. It is one of the rare things in her life that stays the same, and provide her with a semblance of stability.

She was however not immune to the punk movement that took over in the most recent years. Girlie had to get her hands on some big chunky shoes and leather jackets.

not a disco ball type of vampire

As I mentioned, out of the three sisters, Carnita is meant to be the scary one. She has experienced actual battles, can fight with any blade you hand her—not necessarily because she is an expert in every type of blade that has existed, she is only well-versed in the most common one used in European countries— because she can adapt very easily. She has this feral survival instinct that means she will use teeth and claws if need be. She is a fighter, not in a girlboss type of way, but in an animal-caught-in-a-trap type of way. This absolutely unhinged agressivity you will only find when someone is certain they will die if they don’t get out of that situation.

She has good reasons to fight in such a manner, because she has been in a fight-or-perish situation more times than she can count. As I said, she has experienced proper war battles. Her and Uncle Joe’s residency have been found by hunters numerous times. Also, she is stuck in the body of a 16 y/o girl, is quite short, and mostly comes out at night to hunt, I don’t need to paint a picture of the type of encounters she faces frequently.

Given her situation, and the fact I wanted her to be as close to the original myth of vampires as possible, it felt fitting to give her a dragon bat transfiguration. In this universe, each clan of vampires has a specific power, hers is transfiguration. Each member of her family can transfom into a varying degree of monstrous version of an animal. Hers is bats.

She very rarely transforms in just a regular bat. The form she feels most comfortable with is the dragon bat. A huge beast for a small girl. It was perfect. It is what she aspires to be. The dragon bat is monstrous, but it has the potential to protect her family. She absolutely adores this form despite how ugly one might find it. Carnita relishes in terrifying people off of her property to ensure they don’t get too close to the manor. That is the thing, she loves being a vampire because it gives her agency.

amusing to read

Carnita has a very funny haha aspect to her. As I mentioned, she is italian and so I wanted her to be very expressive (before anyone says that I am generalising, this trait is based off of me. A big side of my family is Italian and I promise the body language and facial expressions are contagious, I love them). The book needed to remain a comedy, and the fact is she has spent so long on her own with Uncle Joe that social masking is not something she would bother to do anymore. She is the equivalent of a goblin.

I wanted her to have that cartoony aspect to her so that she would still be a character people could like. Besides, only someone with weird rules of immortality would allow themselves to be that unhinged without fear of consequences. Above you can find a few early concept of what she would look like, as well as a reference sheet for her final appearance.

Carnita is a terrible liar for the simple fact that she wears her emotions on her face. At least the big, loud, confident ones, like anger.

Fear is probably the only emotion she still knows how to mask, because it is the only one she never feels comfortable sharing with her loved ones. She is the goblin who carries swords around, throws knives at the wall, shoots darts on cushion and would tear off a man’s arm with her teeth. She is the protector of the house. She cannot be afraid.

Which is ironic considering the entire baseline of her character is actually, led by fear. The weapons, the dragon bat, the feral behaviour, the spikes and pointy aspect of her design, the loudness of her anger… One does not fight this hard for survival, unless they are utterly terrified.

In summary, despite where the idea originated, there was a lot of fleshing out and distancing done when going from Dracula to Carnita.

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Is AI terrible for the environment? Yes.

Is it turning people’s brain into mush? Absolutely.

Is it knee kicking our job market in the guts repeatedly? Unfortunately yes.

Is AI good at answering questions accurately? HAHAHAHAHAHA, nope.

AI generated « art » —whether it be images or videos— is complete garbage. Most of us can agree on this (glaring at you AI bros). BUT.

the boomerang effect

the push for Artificial Intelligence

AI appeared a few years ago, quite innocently. People were generating landscapes based off of memes during a phone background trend on TikTok, then people were generating videos of Will Smith eating spaghetti and laughing at the weirdness and inaccuracy of the AI, apps like c.ai started being launched. It mostly seemed innocent at first, but since its apparition, AI has gotten more and more prominent and has quite literally started being thrown in our faces.

The premise of it was never legal, but as long as it remained used for memes and “What would I look like as a [show] character?” people were mainly okay with it. But then, AI made an entry on the job market. Every app added AI as a non-negotiable feature. Data started being taken with dubious consent from users who were never made aware it was taken in the first place–the toggle to turn it off being perfectly hidden deep in your settings, if at all present. Every brand was selling AI to us as this wonderful thing, and ignoring all of the bad stuff that went with it. That is what they are good at, isn’t it? Something terrible happens, they throw a few sparkles in our faces and we stop thinking about it. Ironically, the symbol massively used to represent AI is sparkles. De la poudre de perlimpinpin as we say where I come from.

Except this time, it doesn’t seem to work. We keep hearing AI is inevitable and we need to just accept it, but the response to this is not quiet compliance. It is a roar of people actively refusing it.

the witch AI artists hunt

Amongst all of this, AI “artists” showed up. Some claiming proudly to use AI. Unfortunately for them, by then people were already pretty mad. Anyone using AI and calling it art was getting severe backlash (now while that backlash is justified, I wouldn’t go as far as saying that the death threats were okay, like we really need to chill on the cancel culture guys–but that’s another topic).

Then the horror happened. People hid the fact that they were using AI. This launched a witch hunt, everyone is looking for signs of AI anywhere they can find (speaking of, AI can take the em dash out of my cold dead hands, it does not exist in French punctuation and became my favourite punctuation to use when I studied English so I won’t stop using it just because people are calling it a sign of AI).

Artists have to prove they actually drew what they post, so they release videos, but then these videos are fed to AI who is then able to reproduce them and it keeps getting more confusing.

But in a way, this isn’t surprising. The mindset of these people is in itself confusing and absurd.

“AI is so great that I am going to hide the fact I used it.” They know AI is terrible. They are ashamed of using it.

All and all, we have reached a point where it becomes practically impossible to tell who has used AI. Some illustrations are going to feel off, but that may simply be that the artist is still struggling with proportions and perspectives, others are going to feel genuine but it is simply because the AI was prompted to give it that sketch/authentic feeling.

walking away

Overall, the consensus is clear. People want to avoid AI. The fact is that it is becoming more and more complicated to do so online. Therefore, people are moving away from it.

With the rise of AI amongst the techbros and greedy CEO of the entertainment industry, there has been a rapidly increasing desire of the public for something human and real. Something imperfect.

More and more people are taking interest into supporting indie artists, discovering mixed media, going back to physical zines, trying out new crafty hobbies themselves as a form of rebellion.

Let’s face it, the current art industry is in shambles and it keeps getting harder to get a job because of AI. But we have to look at the silver lining here. Whenever something is made independently, whenever an art style or form breaks the norm, it blows up. The people are loving it, sharing it.

AI was the wake-up call humanity needed to start yearning again for something true. LAIKA recently released a trailer for their stop motion film Wildwoods, and it is stunning. Smaller studios like Cartoon Saloon are starting to get more and more recognition. People are turning to local artists and businesses.

The world and history work like the learning curve. AI has just been introduced into the ecosystem of our society and we need to learn what to do with it (and by we, I mean that our reaction and behaviour will change the statistics that the people actually in charge follow religiously with complete disregard for empathy or any human emotion) Right now we are into the discouragingly realistic part where everything is horrible.

But everything is horrible because we are transitioning. They brought us AI and are trying to shove it everywhere, that model is not sustainable, people hate it and are walking away from it. If we give it time, it will balance itself out. And in the midst of it, we will see a resurgence of the appreciation for human-made art. It has already started, we just need to let it stabilise and have faith in ourselves.

If we give up, it will never get better. This is a war and your best weapon will be your pencil. So go and create, make mistakes, mess up and share it. Show everyone the beauty of trying. Art is the process. And if you don’t feel like making something, then treat yourself to the creation of an indie or local artist–whether it be an amateur play in your local theatre, an indie book bought at a book fair, a small exhibit at your community centre, an independent short film on YouTube, etc, etc.

The horrific consequences of AI forced us to face the fact that most of the corporate art industry is no longer after telling stories and only after making money. But humanity isn’t that stupid (although the use of AI sure is trying to make us so).

This reality-check brought people back to art pieces made with soul–no matter the art form.

And for that, ironically, AI might be the best thing that could have happened to art.

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I am currently building the universe of my next book, as well as developing the characters and what they will look like. With this series I will go in the opposite direction of my previous book, away from dark comedy or the somber corners of vampires crypts, and all the way into the magickal kingdoms and green forests of fairytales.

I plan to explore and build that universe in the same manner that medieval artists used to depict religious scenes. Complete disregard of realistic accuracy, for the benefit of storytelling.

While they threw away perspective to focus on telling a story, I am throwing away historic costuming accuracy to make space for a display of character and personality. Besides, the land I will be writing in will be out of this world, it would be foolish to assume fashion would follow the same path.

Regardless, I wanted a bit more inspiration for outfits and different shapes of dresses. When scrolling through TikTok, I saw a few stunning dresses from the V&A Marie Antoinette Exhibit and like the sheep that I am, got myself a ticket.

art girl mentioned??

The first thing that struck me when I walked in were the paintings. Firstly because I had seen close up of Marie Antoinette’s hand holding that flower all over Pinterest—without ever knowing it was her— and secondly because I took the time to read the label and saw the name of the artist.

Elisabeth Louise Vigée le Brun.

A woman.

Not just a woman but apparently Marie Antoinette’s favourite painter. After getting home I looked up some more of her work. I must say, she is very cool, I truly love the softness of her painting.

But back to my point. I was surprised to see the name of a woman. Then I felt anger at my surprise.

It made me realise that we are fighting so hard to keep our rights nowadays, to deconstruct the patriarchy, to move away from “the old ways”, that we seem to forget our gender being rendered entirely powerless was rather recent. The mindset that “It has always been like this and it should stay like this.” has been pushed onto us so hard that we forget it was not always like this. This doesn’t mean that the 18th century was a paradise of freedom for women, it definitely was not. However, women in nobility still could get their art recognised without hiding behind a masculine pen name.

It hurt when I understood that patriarchy had brainwashed us so much to be grateful for the rights we obtained that it seems unfathomable to us that women might have had anything before the right to vote. They told us we are the lucky ones, we achieved equality and got all the things that did not exist before. But we didn’t. They tossed one more bone at us and pointed at the previous generations—who already had a few things in their plate— saying ‘Look we are giving you all this while they had nothing.”

I was surprised that a woman had been able to be a renowned painter in the 18th century, and I hated it. I should not have been surprised.

After the feminine rage settled however, I felt really proud of Elisabeth. Sure, she came from the nobility and had all the tools to become an artist. But still. I was happy to see the portrait of a woman painted by a woman, portrait of which snippets are shared across a platform mainly occupied by women to make mood boards and aesthetics. It is a nice moment of togetherness.

let them eat cake

I debated longly with myself on whether I should mention Marie Antoinette’s role in the revolution or not. I did not dive deep enough in history books to accurately claim how innocent or responsible she was for the crisis that France faced.

But I will say this.

Was the beheading fair? No. A death sentence can never be fair. I firmly believe some crimes are indeed punishable by death, but I do not trust humans to responsibly handle a guillotine. An angry mob will lash out at the first thing that comes their way, regardless of how much sense it makes. In addition, past (and present) rulers have proven many times that we cannot trust our Justice System to use such a tool fairly. I will say though that it definitely was efficient. French people are known for their protests, and a lot of people make fun, but it does get the job done.

Was her sexualisation depicted across the press okay? Also no. There was some pornographic imagery of Marie Antoinette displayed in the exhibit. Propaganda created in preparation of the Revolution as a means to further discredit and degrade the current monarchs. This irked me. I am all for exposing a ruler’s mishaps, faults, and crimes. Their intimate privacy however? I could never condone. It still is something that confuses me, whenever society wants to degrade a woman, they will expose her sexuality. And somehow it works? People will judge and shame. Why even care? Her political crime would be what mattered, whatever she did with or without her husband was none of my, your, nor their business. Unfortunately, that was another moment of togetherness, yet not a nice one.

To stay true to my words, I won’t share pictures from that part of the exhibit.

shapes and colours

Now in no way am I fashion expert. I cannot sew, knit, crochet, or any of those things. I did try embroidery once, but like my many whims, I left it to the side and haven’t touched it since. Did not even finish the piece I was doing. Probably should go back to it when my job gives me time to relax. Either way.

Despite my lack of knowledge, I still found myself profoundly impressed by the shape of some of the dresses. The fabrics were mixed in ways I had not thought of before, and a few of them had me wonder what the patron might have looked like.

For what I wanted from this exhibit, this was perfect.

When I was writing the main character of my next book, I envisioned a scene where she is overly excited about a ball and puts on the biggest shiniest dress she can find. She’s a huge romantic who firmly believes in Prince Charming and a happy ending—whether this works out for her I cannot disclose— therefore attending a ball in a pretty dress is part of the recipe. I thought I had done a decent job and that the dress was extravagant enough.

Well after seeing the dresses that La Reine de France used to wear I can safely say I am nowhere near as bold as I thought I was. Quite a humbling, but fascinating, experience.

Funnily enough, it did occur to me that I would love wearing this type of dress. Partly because I find them stunning, of course, but mostly because I am certain they do wonders for personal space. No one could get too close since they would be stopped by the immensity of the skirt. A dream come true.

During my promenade around the different displays I also discovered some concepts that I wish we brought back to current fashion.

I am aware that hoodies and coats accompanied with a hood are still a thing. However look at the specific shape of that vest! It blends in with the actual dress in a way that makes you wonder if it is all just one piece and/or where the coat begins and the dress ends. I want clothing that confuses people. It makes it more fun. People are staring at you? Maybe your outfit I stunning, or it could be that they are trying to comprehend how something straight out of a cartoon still holds in real life. How fun would that be?

Granted, maybe not as fun as capes?! Until the exhibit, I had completely forgotten that this form of cape woven into the dress was even a thing. But God how I love it! The flair, the drama, the elegance of it. I truly wish capes would make a comeback. Now I do see how in modern society, they might be inconvenient.

Automatic doors on public transports would turn capes into death traps. But still.

an unexpected nostalgia

If there was one thing I did not expect when going to an exhibit about la Reine de France, it was to reminisce over my childhood and feel emotional.

There was something that my mom used to say to me when I was younger.

Fashion is a circle. Now I am not saying that I ever doubted that statement to be true. It seemed logical to me. I simply did not expect it to be relevant through centuries.

But when I saw leopard prints, glitter sewn into fabrics, bow-shaped and heart-shaped jewellery covered in diamonds, it hit me. If Marie Antoinette had been alive today she would have been my godmother. My godmother with her extravagant coats of leopard print, her pink car, her hello kitty rhinestone keychains, her flashy died hair and glittery dresses.

I went to see a historical figure who lived centuries ago, and found the reflection of a person dear to my heart. It made me emotional. We look at figures of the past like paintings frozen in time, and it is so easy to forget they were people.

The label of one of Marie-Antoinette’s dresses claimed that when the Queen wore this garment in the gardens she was most likely shining like the sun. It is silly but I felt that. Because I know so many girls, young women, women, elderly women, who given her wealth would still do the exact same thing. We too would get excited at seeing all of the glitter sparkle under the sun, and probably do a little twirl. It’s silly, it’s simple, but it’s human.

It is something we all share. Little moments of happiness over simple things. Never truly understanding how far back that feeling has resonated in people before us.

And that is beautiful.

I went to the V&A Marie Antoinette Exhibit, and it made me emotional.

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